The Economy According to Barack Obama

The Pope of Hope's been out on the stump touting his plans to save the US economy. His speech on Monday to many Americans probably sounds pretty good. Class Warfare is the new Democratic board game. Oil companies are bad for making a profit while working Americans can't afford to pay for gas. Oh, those big, bad oil companies. He'll show them, he'll decide how much profit they are allowed to keep and take the rest away to distribute to the needy Americans who can't take care of themselves. Heck, he won't let them use their profits to get the oil out of the ground beneath our feet, so why not? Gas lines can be fun!

He talks about the "inequality" of the economic system. Why should some people get to be rich while other people are poor? That's so unfair. We shouldn't "spend" money giving tax breaks to wealthy people. We can all look forward to retiring on Social Security because it allows people to live in dignity in their old age. So what if he doesn't actually know anyone living on Social Security. He's heard it's great. He promises never allow to allow privatization of Social Security. The American people don't need a better return on their money than the government gives them. We certainly can't have prosperous retirees (unless they are union members on the taxpayers dole), the young workers could be envious.

The Messiah then called for another, immediate, economic stimulus package to the tune of $50 Billion. He's so charitable, he must have been donating 60% of his income over the years to help the needy. On the same theme of his generosity with our, I mean, government money, he'll create a $10 billion "Foreclosure Prevention Fund". Those of us who pay our bills will have the privelege of paying for those who don't. Won't that be fun? You can get by on a smaller paycheck! Remember, ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for the schmuck who took out a mortgage he couldn't afford.

Lot's of Americans have credit card debt so he's going to put (other people's) money into their pockets. So, your check will shrink a little more paying for your neighbor's iPod. Maybe they'll invite you over to listen to the music they just downloaded.

Of course he understands how hard it is for college graduates to pay off their loans because he and his wife had to pay a lot of money for their Ivy League educations. He'll take more of your, I mean, rich folks' money to give every student $4000 a year to attend college. It's really nice the way he spends our, I mean, government money to help people out.

But don't worry. He knows this all sounds expensive but he believes in "pay as you go". Unfortunately, that's code for "tax the crap out of working Americans as you spend".

I must have been brought up wrong. My parents taught me that taking someone else's money was stealing. They're just so out of it. If Obama is elected there will be no inequality. We'll all be schmucks!