I only had a few minutes to watch the Democrats' debate this evening, but I think I got a pretty good summary of their platforms.
Tonight we saw Hillary's friendly personality, she didn't even seem paranoid. The first word I heard when I turned on the debate was "poverty". I was so surprised. Hillary talking about poverty? Go figure. She said that the differences between herself and Obama pale in comparison to the mean Republicans. Whew, that's a relief. I thought they were just alike. She said that universal health care is the right of all Americans. I checked and I couldn't find that anywhere in my copy of the Constitution. Maybe I need glasses. She's going to put a moratorium on foreclosures and freeze interest rates for five years. Does that mean we can just get rid of the Federal Reserve? That'll really cut the budget. You go girl!
Then came Barack Obama's turn. He spoke about how insurance companies are bad and his mom is nice. When he is president he is going to make sure that government focuses on prevention of illness. What do you think he means by that? Is he going to drive me to the doctor? Will he make everybody join a gym, go on a diet, quit smoking and quit drinking? Will I be required to drink 8 glasses of water each day? I checked the Constitution again and I can't find anything in there that says that illness prevention is the job of the federal government. I'll keep looking, it's gotta be in there somewhere. He plans to set up a billion dollar foreclosure prevention fund. But don't forget that the mortgage crisis is all George Bush's fault. Well duh-what isn't? And finally, when he meets with the Iranians he'll bring a big bag of sticks and carrots. That'll show 'em!
I think I'm on to something here. Forget the Lotto! Vote Democrat and you can quit your job, buy a mansion and fly to Tehran for your summer vacation! Will that fit on a bumper sticker?